So this is about starting with a vanilla guy and building a relationship where you get at least some domination. I'm assuming you can make some contact with some guy.

This is what I do. It works for me. But do what you want and whatever works for you. These are just ideas.


The basic idea is to be kind of submissive, allowing him to feel more confident, lead, and basically be a little bit more like a dominant.

Then letting him play with your collar.

The theme here is that you are acting submissive. You are trying to give him confidence that if he leads, you will follow. Um, this is probably the exact same thing your greatgrandmother did, and it should work on most guys even if you have no interesting in being submissive.


1. If he leads, follow.

There are variations. You can state your point in a discussion, but if it turns into a disagreement, let him win.

If he gives you advice, try to take it.

If he tries to help you, GREAT! Accept his help.

If he asks where you want to go, don’t argue! Accept his lead and tell him where you want to go. If there is somewhere you want to go.

2. Ask if something is okay.

Suppose someone IM’s you while you are with him. Um, he should be getting your undivided attention. But you have to at least tell the IMer you can't talk. Ask if it is okay with him if you answer your IM.

More generally, ask permission to do things. But disguise it as checking to see if it is okay with him. So he teleports you someplace and you are talking to him. You say “Do you mind if I look around?” What you really mean is “Can I have permission to look around?”.

Or if you have to go, ask if it is okay with him if you leave.

Acting submissive is going to only get you so far. The next step is letting him play with your collar.

Um, some people think a collar is this really sacred thing and letting someone own your collar really means something important.

But it doesn't. Make him your owner, play for a while, then runaway when you are done. Or make him a secondary owner.

Getting to control your collar is simple -- jus ask him if he wants to see what it is like to control your collar. He will say yes. Guys like to see how things work. And they like to be in control.

This assumes he knows you are submissive. Don't broadcast it, but don't hide it. There's nothing to be ashamed of.

This is a basic way to get him to dominate you. And to have fun. And you can teach him about dominating.

This can be just a fun game for both of you. But emotions can get involved. You can start to feel more submissive to him. The intimacy and control might make him like you more.

I have done this with complete strangers. But be prepared for increased feelings between you two. Anyway, this works better if you know the guy.

The collar is hard to work. The controls are hard to find, and the instructions are backwards.

So you are going to have to BE patient, and SHOW your patience. And warn him about being frustrated. You might have to help him with controls. But minimize that because you are trying to let him lead. (I don't know the answer to how much you help.)

If he needs suggestions, the easiest thing is the poses. The leash might be the second easiest thing.

If he can find it, another thing he will like is taking off your clothes. If you have a limit, you should say it. As I tell my sub, always wear a bra and panties.

You have to show your emotions.

First, he needs to know that the control excites you. That makes it better for him.

And it helps him avoid guilt. A sociopath won't have guilt. But the whole point is to avoid being dominated by a sociopath. A normal person SHOULD feel guilty about how he is treating you. So you have to say how you enjoy it so he realizes that he doesn't have to feel guilty.

It is also a chance to try to explain about submission and domination. Like how you need control and you didn't choose to be that way. And how he is supposed to care about you but he is also allowed to be completely selfish at times. Or whatever, I think this is a topic for another lesson. Um, that means I don't know the answer right now.