Helping Dominants


It seems against everything in the D/s tradition to suggest that the sub help the dominant be a better dominant. But.....
  • We need more dominants. And we need caring dominants.
  • There are a lot of people at SL who would like to be dominants but just don't know how.
  • All potential dominants can do on their own is to read the dark fantasies. Just to read those, they will just think we are weird people who like to be abused.
  • A good dominant should understand submissives. But we are hard to understand

    • But the dominant is just a person. There is nothing wrong with a dominant not being perfect. There is nothing wrong with trying to make good dominants happy and trying to help good dominants be better dominants and help beginners learn to dominate.



Style

If you wanted to help someone be a better dominant, you could try to tell him whenever he did something you thought was wrong. And you could tell him what he should do. But why would you would want to do that? It is a lot more fun to be submissive to the beginning dominant. And I am sure it is a lot better for him, in a lot of ways, if he is the dominant and not taking orders from you.

So, the general style for teaching a dominant, if you are a submissive, is to let him dominate you and for you to be submissive. There is so much you can still do to help him. (And, it is not so different from just being a good submissive to an experienced dominant.)

Information and Feedback

If your dominant is going to be any good, he will want information. Information is power. It helps establish dominance, and it helps for him caring for you. If he has no interest in you, give up.

This is mostly explaining what you are thinking and feeling. It is also important to say when something excites you. You should be as open as you can. Yes, this makes you vulnerable, but it helps him dominate you. You should also be honest. So he can trust you and like you.

YOU ARE NOT FIGHTING WITH HIM! He wants to establish dominance over you and make you submissive to him. You want him to establish dominance over you and make you submissive to him. You are working together for the same goal! It is mostly his job to do that. But you can help by giving him as much useful information as you can.

It is also important to try to explain what your life is like as a submissive. He needs to understand submissives. He needs to know that the control excites you. That makes it better for him. And it helps him avoid guilt. A psychopath won't have guilt. But the whole point is to avoid being dominated by a psychopath. A normal person SHOULD feel guilty about how he is treating you. So you have to say how you enjoy it so he realizes that he doesn't have to feel guilty.

It is also a chance to try to explain about submission and domination. Like how you need control and you didn't choose to be that way. And how he is supposed to care about you but he is also allowed to be completely selfish at times.

Confidence

This is pretty much the same as with any dominant. Be obedient, so he gets confidence that you will obey. Tell him when something works or goes right. If he leads, follow. You can state your point in a discussion, but if it turns into a disagreement, let him win .If he asks where you want to go, don’t argue! Accept his lead and tell him where you want to go. If there is somewhere you want to go.

If he gives you advice, try to take it. If he tries to help you, GREAT! Accept his help.

Another really good thing is asking permission. So try to think of things to ask permission for. One very typical thing is asking permission to leave. But you can ask permission for anything. "May I look around?"

Or, suppose someone IM’s you while you are with him. Um, he should be getting your undivided attention. But you have to at least tell the IMer you can't talk. Ask if it is okay with him if you answer your IM.

Collar (Mechanics)

In real life, the collar is this big symbol that you are submissive to some particular dominant. Almost like getting married. You can carry this symbolism over the Second Life. But the reality is, the collar is this amazing way we can be controlled. Control of the collar is very useful for almost any scene and for playing an D/s games.

And it is easy to give someone temporary control of your collar. When you are done, you can "runaway" if they are your main owner, or do whatever you want if you are your main owner and they are a secondary owner.

There could be a problem giving someone control over your collar, if they tried to abuse it. But it has never happened to me. People are good about it. I think there is also an ethic that they are not supposed to abuse that power.

If you are training a beginning dominant, giving them control over your collar lets them practice using a collar. Um, they are not easy to use. The menus aren't always obvious, things are stuck away in odd places, and theh commands sometimes seem backwards. Plus there is a lot to remember to ban to stick someone in bondage so they can't get out.

So a dominant needs practice. Plus, any dominant wants to look powerful, which means being able to use the collar skillfully. There is no way for them to get this skill except by practice.

Do not turn this into a lecture where you tell the dominant what to do and how to do it. Instead, just give your dominant control and let him explore. After a while you might want to mention some important thing that he doesn't know exists. But that's after a while. It is better if you don't even know how to work the collar, or at least have trouble finding things and making it work.

Of course, this is also real power. So he can enjoy dominating you, and you can enjoy being controllled. Um, I like to warn him in advance that even "playing" with a collar can bring in feelings. Anyway, it does for me and it should for anyone who will become a good dominant. So a warning seems fair. And that warning goes both ways -- you should realize that you are likely to start feeling more submissive to him.

You should be very patient. Be the good sub! And warn him about being frustrated, as far as I know everyone gets frustrated by that collar.

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