This is the most important reading
DARK SUBMISSION AND GOLDEN SUBMISSION
When we (submissives) are by ourselves and have no experience of domination, we fantasize about control.
But without any dominant to submit to, our desire for control gets twisted around into the fantasies of Dark Submission. Dark Submission is very exciting. But it is not that healthy for us and probably doesn't really make us happy.
Golden submission starts when we realize we have TRUE submission to a Master who wants us to be happy and healthy. True submission is when we WANT to please and obey our Master.
If the dominant is a normal human being, control triggers the dominant's protectiveness. So he (or she) wants us to be happy and healthy.
The dominant can also help build us and help us grow. But do the math -- if we really want to please a Master who wants us to be healthy and happy, then it is like he is giving our life back.
DARK SUBMISSION
Without a real dominant, all we can do is fantasize about being controlled. Control is what we need, so our desire (just by itself) is good.It is hard to feel controlled by being made to do things we want to do. So we fantasize about being forced to do things we don't want to do. These can be just tedious, but they can also be ugly. If we realize that we actually enjoy some fantasy, then the fantasy probably has to get uglier.
We can be controlled by something from the outside: We are imprisoned or in bondage. Or we are hypnotized or controlled by magic. The other control is force of personality. So the dominant in our dark fantasies is strong. Then we might fantasize about ways of becoming weak. Humiliation and degradation attack our sense of self-worth and make us weak.
If the dominant cared for us, then our needs and wants would influence the dominant. That means we have some control over that dominant. So we fantasize about an uncaring psychopathic dominant.
It does not help us to pay a dominant to act out or fantasies, or to become a slave to someone who just wants to abuse or exploit us. Um, those fill our submissive needs, and those needs can be really strong. So it is short-term happiness, and no one should blame us for wanting that. But it isn't good for us.
THE PATH TO GOLDEN SUBMISSION
This isn't an easy path. It isn't easy to find a good dominant. Then he (or she) has establish dominance so we feel true submission. That means control and the activities of Dark Submission. The dominant still has to appear strong.When we find Golden submission, the activities of Dark Submission are still useful. They are fun. They remind us that we are controlled and help our Master feel his control over us.
But the fantasies of Dark Submission also get in the way. To trigger the dominant's protectiveness, we need to be our own unique person as much as possible. That includes the dominant knowing our feelings and our thoughts. So depersonalizing is wrong, and hiding our thoughts and desires is wrong.
And it is really hard to lose our excitment for the "bad hot" psychopathic dominant. We have to realize he (or she) isn't good for us. We have to appreciate real submission. And realize that real submission is easiest when we don't have to fight it because we can trust our dominant.